May is mental health month

May is mental health month and if you are like me, this year starting back in March we’ve been struggling. I’ve wanted to sit down and write this post for the past two months, yet I didn’t know what I wanted to say. This is week 8, 9, or 10 for most of us from when we started  to work, learn, workout, dine, and do everything from home. This might have started out kind of easy, fun even, then it started to drag on and be the new norm, now many of us are reaching our limits and we would like to go back to the office, school, gym, restaurants and all those not home places. When this first started I was like, ok, I can do this, not too bad. I’m still able to do most everything I usually do except work at the recreation center. I was still working my office job, working with clients, teaching classes, going to the gym, and going places like stores and the hair salon, yes, I was fortunate to get my hair done before they closed. Phew! Then stuff started to get canceled, places started to close and stay at home orders were put into effect. I realized then, several weeks ago, that my moods changed. I got depressed, stressed, angry, sad, and through it all I tried my best to stay positive. That’s hard to do when you feel like the walls are all crumbling around you. I’ve lost track of how these weeks have been, but I know that they have probably gone something like this; week 1, ok, week 2, awful, week 3, ok, and repeat. Every time a new deadline of opening things up came and went and things were cancelled and new rules were put into place I went through all the emotions, depression, anger, sadness, hope. 

I wish I could say I’ve handled things like a champ, I can’t. Being in my 40’s means my hormones are already all over the place. This has made them worse. I’ve been, still am, a hot mess! I keep it together for all my professional parts of life, but not always for the private ones. I’ve had some really great days and some not so great moments. I’ve gotten short with people, angry drunk texted people (fortunately they are amazing and have forgiven me) I’ve had crying sessions, and had days where getting out of bed took all day. I’m so not proud of these things, I’ve beaten myself up over them. I’m telling you my deepest dark secrets because I want you to know if you are experiencing these types of things, you are not alone. What we are going through is traumatic and although it’s not what you might think of when you hear ptsd, many professionals are saying we are experiencing symptoms very similar to those suffering from diagnosed ptsd. Even those of us that generally are positive, happy, emotionally strong people are struggling with the world right now.  You may have a support system, I do via phone and online, sometimes it just isn’t enough. I live alone and although I do have a fantastic cat, and some in person connections, at the end of some days, you find yourself alone, and it’s lonely. 

Please don’t despair. It’s hard and I’ve thought about getting professional help as there are times when I really don’t think I’ve got a firm grip on things. There are times when I do. I haven’t made a decision about this yet, but if you feel you need to do the same, please reach out to someone. There is no shame in asking for help. Life is not what it’s been and may be like this for a while. Take care you yourself, physically and emotionally. I promise to do the same. I also promise to turn off my phone from now on when I feel the urge to angry drunk text someone. No more of that nonsense! 🤦🏼‍♀️

Seriously though, things will eventually get better and so we need to do what we can to make it bearable. Do those things that keep you upbeat, healthy and remember to take it one day at a time. And be kind to yourself. For not knowing exactly what I’ve wanted to say it looks like I’ve said a lot. I hope it’s helpful to you. 

Stay healthy, stay strong, stay positive and be well.

Lori